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for crying out loud
May. 17th, 2006 08:52 amgatdammit would someone tell that spears woman to stop endangering the life of her infant child? seriously, what the fuck? normally an enlightened individual such as myself isn't supposed to care about the doings of celebrity parents (I don't give much of a fuck that Brad dumped Jennifer because she didn't want to make babies and now lives in an african compound with Angelina and their litters of adopted kids or that Tom paid Katie a bunch of money to silently bear his terrifying seed or that Madonna and Guy are staying together for the kids) but that's twice now that Britney's done something really stupid with the baby in the car--twice that she's been caught on film, anyway.
Once, when Leann and I traded cars, she wound up missing the baby seat by total inadvertence. So her mom told her to get in the back of the van and hold Eleanor on her lap and they'd drive the 4.5 miles back to the house with the car seat. they were furtive and careful about it and some perfect stranger passerby STILL pitched a fit and got all up in her grille, ruining her week. Neither of Britney Spears' incidents look like accidental "Oh my husband has the car dammit let's go get the baby seat before we go anywhere else" kind of incidents. They look like, "I'm a dumb mother who apparently can't or is unwilling to read." For those of you reading who don't have kids or don't know what the deal is: Forward facing seats are for older babies. Putting an infant in a forward seat is dangerous because in an accident their heads will fly forward and, like, pop off. or something. Anyway, it's simple newtonian physics, people! Rear facing seat means the baby's head is supported from the back, the direction which is facing in the direction of the car's motion and in a sudden stop, the first law of motion dictates that the somewhat freely moving head of an infant would continue to move in the direction of the car's motion. Since cars don't move at relativistic speeds, no other physical laws really need to be accounted for.
Although how cool would that be?
Britney Spears was about to be charged with child endangerment today, but her mini cooper suddenly accelerated to a significant fraction of c. While this slowed the growth rate of the child relative to the arresting officers, it significantly increased the infant's mass, relativistically caused the police to age rapidly and instantly placed the mother outside of the jurisdiction of any terran agency, and the case as a whole beyond the reach of the statute of limitations of California family law. Galactic charges could be filed, pending an investigation; however, most agents of the galactic family law are involved in sorting out the case of the Centaurus Wall Great Attractor on charges of devouring all of its offspring in a 400 million light year sized sea of stellar fire.
Once, when Leann and I traded cars, she wound up missing the baby seat by total inadvertence. So her mom told her to get in the back of the van and hold Eleanor on her lap and they'd drive the 4.5 miles back to the house with the car seat. they were furtive and careful about it and some perfect stranger passerby STILL pitched a fit and got all up in her grille, ruining her week. Neither of Britney Spears' incidents look like accidental "Oh my husband has the car dammit let's go get the baby seat before we go anywhere else" kind of incidents. They look like, "I'm a dumb mother who apparently can't or is unwilling to read." For those of you reading who don't have kids or don't know what the deal is: Forward facing seats are for older babies. Putting an infant in a forward seat is dangerous because in an accident their heads will fly forward and, like, pop off. or something. Anyway, it's simple newtonian physics, people! Rear facing seat means the baby's head is supported from the back, the direction which is facing in the direction of the car's motion and in a sudden stop, the first law of motion dictates that the somewhat freely moving head of an infant would continue to move in the direction of the car's motion. Since cars don't move at relativistic speeds, no other physical laws really need to be accounted for.
Although how cool would that be?
Britney Spears was about to be charged with child endangerment today, but her mini cooper suddenly accelerated to a significant fraction of c. While this slowed the growth rate of the child relative to the arresting officers, it significantly increased the infant's mass, relativistically caused the police to age rapidly and instantly placed the mother outside of the jurisdiction of any terran agency, and the case as a whole beyond the reach of the statute of limitations of California family law. Galactic charges could be filed, pending an investigation; however, most agents of the galactic family law are involved in sorting out the case of the Centaurus Wall Great Attractor on charges of devouring all of its offspring in a 400 million light year sized sea of stellar fire.