Dear world,

You do not get my attention right now. All that matters is making sure we have enough money to close on our house tomorrow. Nobody else gets my attention. I'm not answering emails or phone calls... and ... what? what's that? No. No, you do not have permission to fuck me over with your stupid postal regulations and make my job annoying. You are strictly forbidden to interrupt my emails to the loan officer! This is what's important today, world, and you're just going to have to take a number.

That is all.

Signed, yours &c.,

Jon S. Olsen
The S is for "Shut the Fuck Up and Let Us Do This Thing Already"