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I don't know about this law, but I know about "spanking defenders"
There's a big ol foofaraw about this CA anti-spanking bill. So since I'm the big effing daddy, the guy with the kid on the way, I'm sure it's my duty to comment on the affair and to stick my own nose into the wind. I wrote most of the following in a fit of pique after reading Salon.com's article and the letters forum about it, which is where I originally posted this, misspellings and all. The passage I'm aiming at this morning is right at the start, when the author writes, "It may not have happened often, but in moments of frustration, exhaustion and anger, I have hit. Maybe because it happens rarely, or maybe because I follow the slap with 45 minutes of apologies, I bristled when California Assemblywoman Sally Lieber announced Jan. 17 that she planned to introduce a bill making spanking a crime. Get a law like that on the books, I thought, and my slap could land me in handcuffs, dragged to court to face a judge (who knows nothing about me or my family)."
I think spanking represents weak parenting! You can't take the button pushing. You don't know what to do to shut down, minimize, or prevent tantrums. YOU can't handle the pressure. Well you're the adult, act like it! Do you swat your co-worker or subordinate on the bottom or any other part when they exhibit behaviors far far more destructive to themselves and you, behaviors that they should know much better to do? Would it work if you did?
And why do people who normally are perfectly sane and rational always always always seem to rush to defend spanking first? The line is always "sure you don't want to spank, but..." or "sure, spanking is the last thing to do, but..." If it's so far down the list, why is it always the thing that needs defending first? Why the strong reaction to the thought of taking away the thing you "hate to do"?
Maybe anti-spanking bills would nudge us down the slippery slope to overreaction about our arm-grabs, our stern voice-raisings, our threats and our prodding, pushing, snapping anger. And maybe it would result in more horror stories about child seizures, which I actually agree sound terrifying. I also worry that child-protective services' efforts have, to this point, been disproportionately aimed at non-White families. I believe that the statements I've seen elsewhere are incorrect that Black people hit their kids more--that just sounds made up and derogatory. But White "child safety agents" of the state or whomever have demonstrated their past willingness to apply other statutes with a peculiar vigor to non-White families. The system would almost certainly apply this at the usual levels of systemic racism.
But maybe it or something like it would force the rest of us whiny, drag-ass oafs to do some creative parenting. I keep hearing it's hard work. Well? Cowboy up.
I was spanked as a child, and I got over it. Yes, hooray, an obvious reason you'd expect me to be against it (though the "getting over it" is one of the popular lines for defending the practice). But the thing is, it just didn't work. Spanking didn't modify my behaviors, it didn't teach me a lesson, it didn't do jack squat--and I've had it done with a hand, with a wooden spoon, and with a ruler. None of those things were effective at preventing me from doing something stupid or outrageous the next time. (-- On reflection, posting this here is bound to needle some of the people I know, especially family members who I know read this lj. To them I say, "all my bitchiness was not directed at you." And surprisingly, it isn't, i just wanted to swat the article's author right on her pink little fanny! I didn't really think about the spankers in my life--except insofar as it was(not) effective toward me. So, members of my spanky family, this vitriol is not-- believe it or not--directed at you.)
I know I want to hit my kid sometimes. I know the sensation and understand the moment of savage madness, the profound anger when she refuses to listen, or how with mindbending, painstakingly purposeful determination she misbehaves. "Put that down. I said put that down! We do not put that in our mouth. Put it down!!" "Stop that. Stop jumping like that. Settle down. You need to settle down right now or you're going to fall and hurt yourself. It is late and it's time for bed. Lie down!!" Oh I just feel that spasm of contorting violent anger! I know right where it lives, I can summon it even now at my keyboard, the clenching, shivery growl of exhaustion right down there--over there by my last frayed nerve. She won't go to bed and she's just doing this on purpose to get my goat.
Suppose I hit her instead. Well, I guess then my goat was thoroughly got, wasn't it? Does anyone suppose those 45 minutes of apologies after the spanking would get her to bed sooner?
(--that ends the part I put in at salon's forum)
Who wins when parents spank? What is satisfied by spanking? Why is spanking the thing you go to the mat to protect when the thought of criminalizing it is raised? Why are non-spankers derided by spankers as weak? Why do spankers say they don't advocate spanking? Is it because it's not working? When you see a child in public whom you think should be spanked, what goes through your head? What would you think would happen if you acted on that urge? What would happen to the child? What would happen to you? What would you do if another adult hit your child in front of you? Would you be able to consider whether or not your child deserved it, or do you think you'd try to stop them first and ask questions later? Do you hit people at work? Do you hit other people's children? Do you hit rude waitresses? Do you hit rude and abusive retail shoppers in line ahead of you? Do you hit anyone in your life other than your child? Why or why not?Why is spanking important to defend?
I think spanking represents weak parenting! You can't take the button pushing. You don't know what to do to shut down, minimize, or prevent tantrums. YOU can't handle the pressure. Well you're the adult, act like it! Do you swat your co-worker or subordinate on the bottom or any other part when they exhibit behaviors far far more destructive to themselves and you, behaviors that they should know much better to do? Would it work if you did?
And why do people who normally are perfectly sane and rational always always always seem to rush to defend spanking first? The line is always "sure you don't want to spank, but..." or "sure, spanking is the last thing to do, but..." If it's so far down the list, why is it always the thing that needs defending first? Why the strong reaction to the thought of taking away the thing you "hate to do"?
Maybe anti-spanking bills would nudge us down the slippery slope to overreaction about our arm-grabs, our stern voice-raisings, our threats and our prodding, pushing, snapping anger. And maybe it would result in more horror stories about child seizures, which I actually agree sound terrifying. I also worry that child-protective services' efforts have, to this point, been disproportionately aimed at non-White families. I believe that the statements I've seen elsewhere are incorrect that Black people hit their kids more--that just sounds made up and derogatory. But White "child safety agents" of the state or whomever have demonstrated their past willingness to apply other statutes with a peculiar vigor to non-White families. The system would almost certainly apply this at the usual levels of systemic racism.
But maybe it or something like it would force the rest of us whiny, drag-ass oafs to do some creative parenting. I keep hearing it's hard work. Well? Cowboy up.
I was spanked as a child, and I got over it. Yes, hooray, an obvious reason you'd expect me to be against it (though the "getting over it" is one of the popular lines for defending the practice). But the thing is, it just didn't work. Spanking didn't modify my behaviors, it didn't teach me a lesson, it didn't do jack squat--and I've had it done with a hand, with a wooden spoon, and with a ruler. None of those things were effective at preventing me from doing something stupid or outrageous the next time. (-- On reflection, posting this here is bound to needle some of the people I know, especially family members who I know read this lj. To them I say, "all my bitchiness was not directed at you." And surprisingly, it isn't, i just wanted to swat the article's author right on her pink little fanny! I didn't really think about the spankers in my life--except insofar as it was(not) effective toward me. So, members of my spanky family, this vitriol is not-- believe it or not--directed at you.)
I know I want to hit my kid sometimes. I know the sensation and understand the moment of savage madness, the profound anger when she refuses to listen, or how with mindbending, painstakingly purposeful determination she misbehaves. "Put that down. I said put that down! We do not put that in our mouth. Put it down!!" "Stop that. Stop jumping like that. Settle down. You need to settle down right now or you're going to fall and hurt yourself. It is late and it's time for bed. Lie down!!" Oh I just feel that spasm of contorting violent anger! I know right where it lives, I can summon it even now at my keyboard, the clenching, shivery growl of exhaustion right down there--over there by my last frayed nerve. She won't go to bed and she's just doing this on purpose to get my goat.
Suppose I hit her instead. Well, I guess then my goat was thoroughly got, wasn't it? Does anyone suppose those 45 minutes of apologies after the spanking would get her to bed sooner?
(--that ends the part I put in at salon's forum)
Who wins when parents spank? What is satisfied by spanking? Why is spanking the thing you go to the mat to protect when the thought of criminalizing it is raised? Why are non-spankers derided by spankers as weak? Why do spankers say they don't advocate spanking? Is it because it's not working? When you see a child in public whom you think should be spanked, what goes through your head? What would you think would happen if you acted on that urge? What would happen to the child? What would happen to you? What would you do if another adult hit your child in front of you? Would you be able to consider whether or not your child deserved it, or do you think you'd try to stop them first and ask questions later? Do you hit people at work? Do you hit other people's children? Do you hit rude waitresses? Do you hit rude and abusive retail shoppers in line ahead of you? Do you hit anyone in your life other than your child? Why or why not?Why is spanking important to defend?
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mostly it was the humiliation that caused this to become a deterrent, as I recall.
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Oh lawds, I remember the soap-to-mouth treatment. A FAR more unappealing punishment than spankings! That taste! Agggh!
no subject