burnunit: (Default)
[personal profile] burnunit
On Thu, Apr 23, 2009 at 8:21 AM, [redacted sales guy] wrote:
We attract customers that are truly interested in purchasing quality [redacted product], not bargain basement shoppers like yourself. Save the suit, your probably much more comfortable working from moms basement in your pajamas.

Good day and I hope all works out for you.


[redacted sales guy]

my response

Dearest [redacted sales guy]

Oh, no no surely I have given you the wrong idea! Our office is on the ground floor, and when you are next in the Twin Cities, do come by for the tour. We shall have butternut squash and bacon canapes (my own recipe). And I make a lovely Aviation cocktail which I'm told inspires many to feats of the most grandiose entrepreneurship and unparalleled client service. I'll introduce you to the wife and kids and you can even examine our data center.

And my dear mother, bless her soul, is hundreds of miles away pining for her grandchildren. It was certainly a difficult time in our lives, living under her roof those many years ago. She loathed our noisy dog and stifled her anxieties for my pride's sake while we sought to get back on our feet. What a strong and vigorous woman. Do you know that she is already 71? Seventy-one! I will tell her you asked after her, she'll be so pleased.

The dog, of course, had to be put down.

Warm regards,


(no subject)

Date: 2009-04-23 03:52 pm (UTC)
ext_107945: (Default)
From: [identity profile] lexinatrix.livejournal.com
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE let [redacted sales guy] write back. PLEASE!

(no subject)

Date: 2009-04-23 03:57 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] joshuwain.livejournal.com
This is just getting more and more bizarre! It's like a car wreck: I can't tear my eyes away!

(no subject)

Date: 2009-04-23 04:00 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ferrousoxide.livejournal.com
I'm starting to believe you're making this all up. It's too surreal and hilarious for real life. This was just the giggle i needed this morning.

(no subject)

Date: 2009-04-23 04:12 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] burnunit.livejournal.com
I assure you it is all real. Very very real. A sheer gift from the stars. Glory!

(no subject)

Date: 2009-04-23 04:30 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ferrousoxide.livejournal.com

If there was ever a customer service fail...

You should copy the whole mess and send it to his/her boss.

(no subject)

Date: 2009-04-23 04:05 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lucyruthe.livejournal.com

"The dog, of course, had to be put down"

Well played sir, very very well played.

(no subject)

Date: 2009-04-23 04:11 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] davedujour.livejournal.com
I have to agree with all 4 people above. Please let him write back, because this is just too bizarre. So bizarre that I'm becoming suspicious. And the dog line was wonderful.

These emails are making my mornings very entertaining!

(no subject)

Date: 2009-04-23 04:49 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] 433.livejournal.com
Fuckin' A right.

(no subject)

Date: 2009-04-23 04:59 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] spacebug.livejournal.com
I <3 JonO.

(no subject)

Date: 2009-04-23 06:06 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] birdfigment.livejournal.com
Your salesguy and my applicant need to get together.

Also, you're awesome.

(no subject)

Date: 2009-04-23 08:13 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] r0ckc4ndy.livejournal.com
I can't stop rereading these and laughing. And now I am sitting with a huge smile on my face. Oh, please please please write back! PLEASE!

Also, perhaps it's time to stop [redacting] so that everyone you know can begin requesting quotes!!

(no subject)

Date: 2009-04-23 09:31 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] burnunit.livejournal.com
Well, I am kind of holding off. I realize he's already crossed a line, I'm just not sure I want to completely go on that offensive unless and until he truly deserves it.

(no subject)

Date: 2009-04-24 12:07 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] pied-piper70.livejournal.com
I haven't laughed that hard in awhile..."And my dear mother, bless her soul, is hundreds of miles away pining for her grandchildren." Holy crap, that was the awesome...


burnunit: (Default)

May 2009

3 456789

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags